Atelophobia

So today, I had a good talk with my friend. My friend told me about the girl my friend likes. My friend said she was beautiful, that she was perfect and all these wonderful things.

And this made me think, in the future, would anybody, anybody in the world say the same things about me? I look in the mirror and see me, someone normal and nothing special. I look in the mirror and see nothing "beautiful" or even close to perfect. I look in the mirror and think, "What is the definition of perfect? Why do we all try to be perfect if we don't exactly know what it means?".

I seriously can't imagine anybody saying that I am pretty and meaning it. I can't imagine somebody gushing over me or getting butterflies when I talk to them. I can't imagine anyone looking at my picture and thinking that I look pretty. I can't imagine anyone calling me beautiful.

Some of you may think that I'm trying to get attention, but no, this is how I really feel. Yeah, sometimes I do feel beautiful but that feeling fades when I compare my self to others. There will always be somebody prettier, smarter, thinner and more talented than me. I don't have white skin, a flawless face, a perfectly fat stomach,  a thigh gap, hairless legs or beautiful legs, so what could anybody see in me. I have brown skin, fat legs, fat thighs and a 3 dimensional stomach. I have man eyebrows, I can't sing, I can't dance and I'm not like those geniuses in school (i had to double check on how to spell genius, see?) I'm not even smart enough or funny enough or somebody interesting to talk to, so who could see anything special in me?


 I mean, who could love a girl like me?

Nostalgia

 This time last year, January 27 was the day I actually felt "euphoric". Now,  a year later, I feel a sense of nostalgia. I want a time machine. I  need  a time machine to bring the good old days back.

There are some memories that are going to tattoo in your mind forever. The good the bad, they'll be there. On that day January 27, 2012 fate happened. It was the day I realized who my real friends were. It was the first first (of many) gatherings at the field. We did crazy things like run around in airplanes, talk to trees. Yes, we were insane but I didn't care. I was happy. This was the day that started it all, the day you said you liked me. Since then, many moments were made.

It was a normal day, it was teacher's day. Little did I know what was coming. You told me what you needed to say then our friends watched the concert toghether. We were all so happy singing at the top of our lungs and my best friend said "I proclaim this our day. The LAF day". We spent the last few hours at school having the time of our lives. That was the start of something special.

I can't believe that it has already been a year since. I remember so much
I remember that we would always form circles when we talk.
I remember our favorite game, "Adam's song"
I remember when we found a rock and claimed it as our pet.
I remember our fail skype sessions.
I remember when we were obsessed with "Call me maybe".
I remember the water balloons, the sprinklers and everything.
I remember the kept secrets.
I remember the vents.
I remember that one day when we played children's games
I remember the velcro wall
I remember the table
I remember the "korean dramas"
I remember us. I will never forget.

Thank you for being a part of my life,and I do hope you stay. Friends like you are hard to find. These moments that we had are now memories. These photos would someday be old photographs reminding us of these moments.

Thank you for everything. Here's to us

Them :)

Flux

Finally. They have a word for it. There are some changes in my life that I really need to accept, but I can't. High School has really started to kick in, all the feels and everything. I was not used to failing. I was used to doing everything fine. But now, it's like everything I do, I expect a YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.

People change. You think  your friends are your friends forever. Turns out, forever was just a word to make you feel special. There might be no such thing. People can change in a matter of time that they weren't the person they used to be. The person of the past has become a stranger. Admit it, the you a year ago was completely different.

I guess, life has this way of telling you that you don't always get what you want. Once you say "wow my life is finally starting to take place", life says "hmm we can't have that, can't we?". It's just a way of life. Life's saying that better things are ahead of us, we just have to face every challenge. Like a story, a story's boring without a climax. The character faces the climax until they have a happy ending. Except for us, there is no definite happy ending. Until -the end. We must accept the natural state of life